Every time I see this image I feel so much gratitude for this place, and the time I get to spend here. It fills me with joy.
A daily gratitude practice is the habit that I rely on each day whether it’s an easy or hard day. At first I was annoyed when older men and women, seeing me with my kids would say with a knowing smile, “Enjoy every moment!” And still I’m not grateful 24 hours a day. But I appreciate the little things and the things that used to drive me crazy so much more. This is my path towards gratitude.
Where I came from – anxiety
After my husband died, I packed up my house and took my 6mo old and 2 yo across the country to live with my mom. Thank goodness my mom took us in! But that doesn’t mean it was easy. I felt isolated and missed my husband and our old life. I could not wait to start feeling like a regular person who did not cry every day. But I wasn’t sure what to do. While it was important for me to sit with and be curious about my grief, I also had to escape from it each day.
My path towards gratitude – slow and steady
My therapist suggested I plan something in my calendar each day that I could look forward to. That helped. But I was hungry for more. And then the idea came to me. I was playing with my boys, and wishing I could bottle the moment of wonder and joy in their eyes while they chased squirrels at the park. So I took a picture of blurry laughing running boys. This began my secret Instagram account. Every night before I went to bed I posted a picture that brought me joy. Because isn’t gratitude at it’s most basic level = joy?
My goal became to post a picture every day for a year. Sometimes I forgot or decided not to post. But I started to look forward to posting those joyful pictures. To the point that I would wake up each morning and look at them, so I could start my day thinking about something going right in my life. Over time, it was easier to find a gratitude filled moment and then I started to notice more and more moments. Many days nothing particularly special happened. So I would find something joyful around me, like a Lego building built for me by my big guy. Or I would find a picture or quote that resonated with me and post that. Some days were overshadowed with grief, and I honored those feelings in my posts. But my one rule, was to make sure my post left me feeling joyful, even when it included big grief fueled feelings.
Attitude of Gratitude
And I just kept posting. After a year went by, I decided to look back at my posts. I burst into tears examining how much beauty and love surrounded me in that year. I realized being grateful left me wanting for less and more satisfied with what I already had. Anxiety about the future and depression about the past, was replaced with contentment in the present. At one point things were going so well that I decided I didn’t need to post anymore. Fast forward six months, and I was feeling anxious and scared. And then I had an aha moment. I realized that flexing my gratitude muscle was like flexing my abs, if I didn’t exercise them regularly they stop working. So I started posting again, and the anxiety and fear started to lift.
Yesterday I posted a picture of me doing a handstand, something I struggled with for years. The day before I posted a picture of the delicious dinner I made myself. I posted my little one having a temper tantrum, because one day I will miss these moments. I posted a a butterfly in our garden, a letter from my mom, my printer actually working, a beautiful shell on the beach. I feel like I finally understand the beauty of Pablo Neruda’s odes to ordinary things (especially his Ode to the Present).
And all this gratitude helps me to slow down in the moment and just be aware. It’s like kairos time, where time stands still. My breath pattern slows down and become deeper. And this feeling I create internally, I can come back to time and again when anxiety and fear rear their heads. I think a lot of being where I am today, is due to shifting my perspective to one that includes far more gratitude.
How can you practice daily gratitude?
Obviously I love the power of an image to invoke a feeling. Nothing stirs my memory like an image, a song or a smell. So I stick with posting a joyful photo each day. But there are so many other options! Gratitude journals and gratitude jars are more of my favorites. The written word is also a very powerful way to express gratitude. There are tons of premade gratitude journals online or just start in a blank journal. The post can be one word or three pages, it’s what works for you. Check out my family’s gratitude jar below, it’s nothing fancy, but we love it.
And if it doesn’t seem to be working – Don’t give up! Keep up the practice. Gratitude builds inside of me like a bank account. All the deposits start to have an effect over time. It’s not instant. From time to time, I slow down and look back at all the tiny moments and realize the abundances that surround me. And if I miss a day, I don’t worry. I either double up a post on a day or just don’t do it. And that’s okay with me.
How can you get kids involved?
My coach suggested that I get my kids (4yo and 2yo) involved with a gratitude practice. I laughed at him. But I figured why not, and decided to give it a go. We have a gratitude jar that we pull out at dinner. I write down what made each of us happy. And oh my, do they come up with some interesting things. Sometimes it’s so eloquent (“so many people love us mama”) and sometimes it’s just hysterical (“I guess this disgusting dinner”). Sometimes they guess what makes me happy, and their guesses are usually the themselves or espresso. And they ask me to pull out the jar if I forget, so I think that means it’s working.
Older kids can have their own jars or gratitude journal. Or enjoy making it a family affair. It makes for great meal time conversation.
Our family gratitude jar – nothing fancy
